I was never one who bothered about stuff such as fitting into cliques and making merry like any other typical teenager does.
As a matter of fact, I have long disregarded myself as one.
My past CHEC days are proof enough that I am fine by my own self just as I am with any other people around.
But the way things are right now... it isn't the same.
Not the same sort of loneliness I'd experienced.
It's something more.
It's like I am way distant from everyone else than I had imagined.
I am depressed at certain things that I can not say.
No, rather I prefer not to.
If any word could best describe how I am feeling right now, it would be despair.
Consumed by helplessness knowing that I am unable and powerless to change anything.
I AM nothing.
It's not the sort of loneliness where you lack companions to colour your day - I don't mean it that way.
It's when you see things that people don't and there's no possible way for others to see them for the simple fact that you are you and he is he.
That's the sort of loneliness I'm talking about.
In fact, everyone is a loner at heart.
Each and every person possesses their own mindset and ideologies, and never are any two the same.
Perfect comprehension and chemistry between living beings is beyond the impossible.
As such, you must be cognizant of the fact that even the closest and dearest person you hold can only be so much as a part of you.
Caring for someone knows no bounds.
But with care must apprehension follow.
Most things are beyond our grasp.
It's not as if we can simply understand things just because we will it to.
I need to stress that I don't mean understanding simply by knowing things.
So you can have millions of people showering their affection on you and offer you all the help that you ever needed but ultimately, you'll still be alone.
I have resigned myself to the fact that ITE will never get me anywhere I want to be.
Constantly pondering about what tomorrow has in store, constantly worrying about what tomorrow brings.
I don't give a rat's ass about society.
I don't care if I'm alone at the end of the day.
I don't harbor any wishes of happy endings like everyone else does.
It doesn't matter... nothing does.
The truest of the true.
It never existed.
